Few people know this about me, but I'm what people in the biz (that's biz-talk for SHOW-biz) call an "insider." Basic human decency and a crippling fear of being blacklisted prevent me from disclosing my sources, but suffice it to say that I've got contacts all over Hollywood.
I tell you this not to brag. OK, scratch that. I do tell you to brag. But I also tell you so I can deliver the top secret news you can't get from those corporate rags Variety or Hollywood Reporter. I recently found myself in possession of detailed plot synopses for some high-profile 2009 comedy releases. Public release of this information is illegal, so I thought it would make for a classic Heights column this week.
For seemingly no reason, there's an increasing perception that Hollywood is "out of ideas, appealing only to the lowest common denominator," or even "full of corporate prostitutes who wouldn't know a good movie if it spat in their $12 mojito." To the cynics who refuse to see the meticulous artistic commitment that studios give each release, I direct them to the following films-to-be:
Kiss and Tell - For some ridiculously contrived reason, a newly married yuppie [Matthew McConaughey] finds himself forced to introduce every single one of his ex-girlfriends to his wife [Jennifer Aniston]. Needless to say, he's got a few skeletons in his closet, and hilarity ensues! Two-thirds of the way through the movie, it looks like the marriage might be over thanks to a misunderstanding caused by a joke made by our main character's goofy best friend [Rainn Wilson] about a particularly sultry ex [Jessica Alba]. Not to worry, though, all loose ends are tied up and love conquers all.
Do-It-Yourself - In a film that won the Audience's Choice Award at this year's South by Southwest Festival, critics' darling Paul Dano is Luke Passe, a hipster 20-something who spends most of his time drawing soul-sucking advertisements for corporations in his Brooklyn studio apartment. His world is turned upside down when he meets Skylark [Zooey Deschanel], a long-haired free spirit who literally wears flowers in her hair, at a Bon Iver concert. Skylark introduces him to a lifestyle where "you don't work for the man, you get the man to work for you" in a series of heartwarming montages set to touching music.
2008 Woodie Awards
