After screwing in my first obnoxiously corkscrew-shaped, eco-friendly, fluorescent light bulb, I can't help but feel a little wronged by the well-intentioned, if blindly idealistic, green movement.
Let me clarify. I don't hate the planet, I don't drive a Hummer, and I love the whales. I am, however, a born skeptic and a wannabe history buff, so it's in my nature to approach saving the earth with caution as a watchword.
It seems to me that the only constant that's ever existed in the scientific world is that every couple of years everything we thought we knew gets turned on its head.
After all, wasn't it not too long ago that the now infamous DDT pesticide was touted as the savior of a malaria-ridden world? A few years and a lot few birds later we've come to believe we know better.
So global warming is happening; as an "enhanced greenhouse effect" it's tough to deny. It's natural to want to do something about it too; the problem is that it is easy to jump on board the bandwagon without really being informed.
At the risk of losing any credibility the first paragraph might have earned me, I'll admit I'm probably not much more knowledgeable on the topic than anyone else.
I did, however, spend most of the last week reading every report on global warming and climate change I could get my hands on. Aside from learning that most scientists could benefit from a freshman writing seminar, I like to think I also got a more even-sided picture of the issue.
For example, the current estimate is that the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has increased global crop yield by around 15 percent, serving to prevent potential mass starvation.
Economists at the 2008 Conference on Climate Change also predicted emissions standards for developing countries would severely hamper their growth. There isn't too much room for information like this in the gung-ho "save the planet" ethos.
It's not that we're ignorant or insensitive even, just ambitious … and OK, maybe a little ignorant. The ancient Greeks knew that hubris is the only human trait you can really count on.
What, anyway, is more presumptuous than believing the answer to a problem caused by our technology is newer, better technology? Or believing that the earth needs us to save it anyway? Or for that matter, even believing that we're formidable enough to deal the death blow to a planet that's been around a whole lot longer than we've been here to worry about it and will be long afterward?
Now don't get a refund on your hybrid or stop recycling - seriously, I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with recycling. The environmentalists are doing some great things, and I for one am pretty glad we've still got some spotted owls around. We can all help every day too.
Girls, stop covering your friend's doors with "Happy Birthday" fliers, you're killing trees. Guys, Axe body spray ruins the ozone layer, use Axe roll-on. With that in mind, though, maybe we don't need to start color-coding our trash. I've seen garbage get picked up, and if you'll forgive me for ruining the mystique, it all goes in the same truck.
Here's my stance: I like incandescent light bulbs. I'd hate to imagine a world completely bathed in the pale, flickering, hospital-corridor light of fluorescent bulbs.
Even more so than that, I'd hate to imagine all my favorite cartoon characters with those little corkscrew-shaped abominations popping up from their heads whenever they have a good idea.
I think the Earth will last a while longer, and sure we should all do our part, but we should also take it one day at a time. It's about simple, practical efforts. Hold off on the global light bulb bans and the ethanol cars (they're driving up the price of corn).
Think small; pick up some loose trash, take shorter showers, walk to Cleveland Circle instead of driving.
As good as we've become at harming the earth, we are still only beginning to understand how to save it. Baby steps, guys, baby steps.
Dan Esposito is a Heights
staff columnist. He welcomes comments at desposito@bcheights.com.
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