Did you see The Heights' recent list of Valentine's Day heartbreaking songs? One word: no. Honestly though, Celine Dion?
The last time that woman shed any sort of moisture from her eye sockets was when the plastic surgery sprung a leak. Anyway, I decided, in all my selflessness, to offer a counter list of songs. And since all great music is based on two things - sex and heartbreak - I decided to offer a list for those nursing a busted heart and those currently being picked off by Cupid. You can thank me later.
Five songs for a broken heart
Cat Power, "Good Woman" - Emotionally fragile chanteuse Chan Marshall (aka Cat Power) has built a career on skeletal ruminations of life and love. "Good Woman," from 2003's You Are Free is about the direst she's gotten.
The love may still be there, but she "can't stand to see you be a bad man," and "this is why, I am leaving." We're only one song in and I already want to curl into a small ball.
Jawbreaker, "Do You Still Hate Me?" - Why does Jawbreaker get lumped into categories like emo? Oh, that's right. Because they busted out titles like this. While it sounds like it could be a wet Kleenex, the song is actually a muscular punk-pop ditty, rippling with insightful regret and tender emotion.
Songs: Ohia, "Steve Albini's Blues" - Not so much about love or loss there of, but this song is about as desolate as desolate gets. I'd imagine that the low points of heroin probably sound like this.
Smart Went Crazy, "Funny As In Funny Haha" - This is about as bitter as they come, so prick your ears, jilted lovers. Chad Clarke and Co. spit out a song that would singe your eyebrows if you stood too close. "Did she keep a file of all your lame excuses and vulgar transgressions?" Yikes.
The Mountain Goats, "The Mess Inside" - About as rough as it can get, the Mountain Goats' "Mess Inside" is three and a half minutes of picking through the most hearbreaking relationship breakdown of you life.
John Darnielle attempts to salvage what's left before realizing it's all for naught while sitting on the bench where "I felt such love for you / I thought my heart was gonna pop." I think I need a drink.
Five songs for a rapturous love affair
Beat Happening, "This Many Boyfriends Club" - Olympia's Beat Happening is a celebrated proponent of the twee-rock scene, but on this song, the band simply let a guitar amp squell out feedback while lead singer Calvin Johnson croons out a tale of young love.
As always, his songs are couched in childhood imagery ("We tip over apple carts / With the beating of our hearts"), which lend the song a greater sense of sweetness and nostalgia.
New Order "Temptation" - As if to do away with the doom and gloom that marked Joy Division, New Order always seemed to feel the need to push things into bright sunny optimism.
While that tendency wore out as the years went by, on their early single "Temptation," it seems like a freakin' revelation. Bernard Sumner's vocals are buoyant and charming, and the bands dance thrust push the song on and on. Great for dancing, necking, and pretty much anything else you might want to do.
Peaches, "F- the Pain Away" - OK. You're through messing around. You want it, and you want it now. This is where this little number comes in, all grimy beats and no messing around.
Edible condoms and leather thongs optional. Ugh, I think I need a shower. Yeah, now that I think about it, I really need a shower.
Magnetic Fields, "Josephine" - While a lot of people talk up 69 Love Songs, my heart still falls for the early stuff. This song, from their first album, Distant Plastic Trees, is a tender, quiet song. "If I were Napoleon / You could be my Josephine." I'd imagine a lot of history majors would appreciate the arcane references, while the rest of us could appreciate the fact that it's a hushed love song.
Yo La Tengo, "Last Days of Disco" - Here's one for those of you in it for the long haul. Yo La Tengo create a hushed, bossa nova-inspired number celebrating the beginnings of a long and complicated romance.
But ultimately the imagery is what does it here. "Saw you at a party / You asked me to dance / Said music was great for dancing / I don't really dance much / But this time I did / And I was glad that I did this time."
Nicholas Feeley is a staff columnist for The Heights. He welcomes comments at feeleyn@bcheights.com.
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