Pedro, left, and his pal Napoleon Dynamite, right, shortly after Dynamite opened his BC acceptance letter. Dynamite will be the incoming class´ lone Idahoan.

"Do Eagles have large talons? If not, they are pretty much my second favorite animal," said incoming tetherball recruit Napoleon Dynamite.

In a decision that shocked his family, his friend Pedro, and the entire state of Idaho, Napoleon Dynamite has decided to attend Boston College on a tetherball scholarship instead of going pro.

Athletic Director Gene DeFilippo has confirmed the commitment, adding that Dynamite will be the only member of BC's tetherball squad when it begins ACC play in the fall.

Dynamite, who is scheduled to graduate in May from Preston High School in Preston, Idaho, chose BC over rival schools Boise State University, Boston University, and Ricks College.

"I am an avid bike rider, and the hilly terrain at BC should help me get some sweet jumps," said Dynamite in an exclusive interview with The Depths.

He was much less willing to discuss his plans for extracurricular involvement, saying "I'll do whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!"

Dynamite is fond of BC's current state, but don't expect him to sit around like his brother Kip and chat with hot babes online all day. After a summer of hunting wolverines in Alaska (with a frickin' 12-gauge, whaddya think?) Dynamite plans to use his negotiating skills to take the campus by storm.

His first goal is to improve the food available in campus dining halls. "Where are all the flippin' tots?!" Dynamite screamed when he visited McElroy last week. "All these decroded pieces of crap and no tots ... not to mention quesa-dilluhs!"

Fortunately for the BC tetherball team, the lack of tater tots was not enough to change Dynamite's decision to attend BC.

Dynamite also has big plans for improving student life in the residence halls. He thinks that all vending machines should dispense tubes of ChapStick, and he wants to find a way to bring his pet llama named Tina to school in the fall.

"Sometimes that fat lard can give me, like, the worst day of my life ... but if I had a llama ... I could get like, infinity hot babes at BC," said Dynamite.

University President Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., was less than pleased when told that young Napoleon plans to bring a pet into the dorms.

"If Craig Smith wanted to live with a llama, that would be one thing, but I can't let every delicious bass-catching IDIOT bring wild animals into my residence halls."

To fight this resistance, Dynamite plans to make use of his sweet hookups. Nothing has been confirmed yet, but political analysts have speculated that Dynamite may ask his cohort Pedro to help him revamp the Undergraduate Government of BC, even though he won't be the only kid at school with a moustache.

Dynamite should pick his fights with the BC administration carefully, according to John Mahoney, director of undergraduate admissions.

"It took a lot of pleading from the athletic department for us to admit Napoleon into the BC class of 2009," said Mahoney. "We usually only accept students with good skills ... you know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, or computer hacking skills. The only thing Dynamite did in high school was draw pictures, identify milk defects, and play tetherball."

Dynamite's family and friends have mixed feelings about the decision to attend BC.

Kip Dynamite is excited at the prospect of having his brother in Boston. Kip and his soul mate, Lawfawnduh, have recently opened a new hip-hop club in the city, and Kip has said he hopes to provide his brother some online babes at the club.

It seems the only one unhappy with Dynamite's matriculation to BC is his nostalgic Uncle Rico. Apparently, back in 1982, BC was heavily recruiting Uncle "I can throw footballs over mountains" Rico, but that interest faded when Uncle Rico failed to win the Idaho state football championship. Instead, BC turned its attention to a young quarterback named Doug Flutie ... and the rest is history.

Efforts to contact Dynamite's grandmother were unsuccessful. Sources indicate that she is spending another week at the dunes.

As for Dynamite, when asked about BC's move to the ACC, providing him with more competitive sports action, tetherball and otherwise, he had only one response:

"FLIPPIN' SWEET!"

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